There is no greater depression than that of a child who is never given the freedom to wander, who is not encouraged to discover, to experience and to savour. There is no greater depression than that of a child who must live through his parents’ fears, regrets and discouragements. - 03-11-07
Parenting is neither a right nor a privilege. It is a responsibility. - 01-05-07
Parenting is at its most hypocritical when its representatives are the first to sign a petition banning internet sites and the last to say NO to their children having a computer in their closed-door bedrooms. - 01-05-07 To a student who’s birthday I had forgotten, I apologetically said : "An adult is just a self-centered old child who forgets a lot. I am sorry." (He, unlike the others in the class, was sent home "without" homework that day.) Happy birthday, Maurice. (- 66). . . And so in 2006, 40 years later, Maurice contatced me from afar to say that I had been the closest thing to a father he had ever had. This boy become man, had forgotten that I had forgotten his birthday. I was a proud "father" that day - discovering that Maurice had kept his soul from becoming an angry one like those of so many adults around us. - 2006
We have taught our young to demand the same recognition of maturity, grace, acumen and artistry (for simply "being") that we once exclusively attributed to those who had spent years honing their skills, paying their dues and achieving a level of mastery unknown to most today. - 27-07-06
See: “Tots On The Couch” - Ottawa Citizen, Pg A5, October 29, 2006
As with many social engineering concepts, child-centeredness has always been an iffy proposition. Its unproved claims are utopian. Its main flaw is that it presupposes the adults administrating it are “adult”.
Apart from being a slogan for every new child-oriented or “educational” fad, child-centeredness is more a decorative adjunct to a self-centered adult world. Under the guise of respect and equality, it foists (abandons) adult responsibilities (and privileges) upon children and teens. This is immaturity at its worst. Despite claims to the contrary, child-centeredness is fast becoming what we seem awfully fond of creating these days - a syndrome. . . a syndrome whose causes are over-protection, abandonment of parental responsibilities and self-fixated anxieties. Its consequences are devastatingly varied: generalized fears, eating disorders - from anorexia to obesity, hypertension, aggression - both passive and overt and even depression. And those are only the obvious examples. The most devastating in all of this is that we actually consider the contemporary state of families with no rooted value-systems “normal”.
In such an environment statistics indicate that children, based on their influence within the family module, effect $20 billion dollars worth of household spending annually. . . With that much superficial power, coupled with our lack of parental gumption, it is not surprising that private therapy and psychoanalysis clinics are sprouting in the very bosoms of our trend setting cities: (London and New York). Their “clients”? Infants, toddlers and children. . .
Babies as young as a month old are now the subjects (targets?) of these private clinics. For a few tens of thousands, you can have your immaturity salved and your offspring’s behaviours and emotional reactions “to you” diagnosed (oops!) “described”. . . The very idea of such a parasitic concept would be funny if it wasn’t so disturbed.- 29-10-06
The traffic light was red. It seemed to stay that way an inordinate amount of time - especially to someone (me) whose hectic schedule was being disrupted by the computerized arrogance of this 3-eyed technical wonder. Muttering some jock inanity, I huffed and waited. . . What else could I do. On my left, a dirty orange school bus idled plumes of exhaust. Filled with active bodies, definitely not strapped into their seats, the vehicle shuddered. I watched the children laugh and prod, point and tease and shove. It was like a tv movie with the mute button on. Then, a face - seemingly oblivious to the boisterous mime surrounding it, serenely stared out the window at the world going by. Our eyes met. The child smiled. I smiled back. And the light turned green. . . - 27-10-06
Silken Laumann's new Book: Child's Play is one of the most crucial reads in family, physical and mental health in this and the last century. - 26-04-06
What is most frightening about our world is not that it is frightening but that we are raising our children to be afraid, to live their lives based on what is fearful and negative rather than on what is adventurous and positive and exciting. - 29-11-05
Noise. . . Complaint Limits Time Preschoolers Can Frolic in Playground. . . A nursery school in London, England received a complaint and noise abatement order. Children "noises" are now considered a detriment to the peace and tranquility (!!!) of our neighbourhoods - as are church bells in many of our world's most romantic cities. (We really are going to hell in a hand basket aren't we.) - 10-11-05
It is quite difficult to digest the idea that North Americans actually love their children. The rarity of child care facilities and the shameful salary ranges of workers in them - whose take home pay is less than that of refuse removal workers is a case in point. Is it that we care about our children but don't have the resources or is it simply that we are hypocrits. Our environment of technocratic governance which so often proudly encourages change is the same which in the same breath hinders progress.Child care facilities are a viable service - but only if there is a private-public will do be so. Private corporations having more than fifty employees should be mandated to have day-care facilities within their premises. But then, over-protective governmental regulations deny this possibility and cost conscious corporations would shiver at the very idea of having "kids" on the premises.Quality child-care close or near adult environmetns are a must if we are ever to re-integrate children and adolescents back into our worlds. Child care, run by professionals - paid commensurate with their experience and qualifications is possible and necessary.
It is possible if the private sector sets up quality government supervised facilities within ther work environments - while in turn receiving an equal amount in tax deductions. But then, I am sure there is already a set of regulations waiting in the wings to counter any such "simply" stupid ideas. - 28-07-05
Adult children who depend on their parent's status for their own stature and recognition remain forever the children of their parents - 14-07-05
As much as we consider the world a difficult and even dangerous place for children, what frightens them more is the extreme weakness we display through an indulgent yes when an authoritative “no” would be the correct response. They are anxious when they see fear and indecision in our eyes. We chill them to the bone when they feel the cold discouraged stares and lack of enthusiasm for anything which smacks of adventure or discovery. They succumb to the weight of we "sharing" with them what ails us. . . just because they have a right to know. These are the frightening things a child cannot survive. - 13-07-05
Parents without respect - who are nothing more than comic relief or annoyances to their children are the authors of a family’s future tragedies. - 13-07-05
Another Theory Flames Out - Ottawa Citizen - 09-02-05 - Page A15
In the seventies, boosting self-esteem in children was touted as the key to their happiness. A cursory review of this theory, by those who "actually" dealt with children's egos, soon proved it erroneous and even dangerous. But despite resistance on the part of those who lived and worked with children this new and improved (pop-psychology) child-rearing technique had legs.
The root problem of this concept was (and is) that the acceptance of self is based on simply "being" - that it is not important to “do”anything to be something. At its best (!) such an idea gives more credence to looking in the mirror than it does to self-expression through the accomplishment of that which challenges the mind and heart. At its worst, this clinical revisionism of the anti-protestant-work-ethic model has promoted 20th century navel-gazing. It has given supra-importance to a self (body) awareness which again, at its worst, has given wings to such "syndromes" as anorexia, bulimia and child/adolescent depression. The supposition of self-esteem, as a catalyst for life-enhancement, has proven little except that it is a blind theory leading us all to a collective self-deception.
"Self-esteem" as a concept negates the fact that "earning" one's place in the universe is crucial to achieving self-satisfaction. Children have always wanted to be a part of their environment and for that environment to recognize their "value" within that context. An “S-E” theory simply emphasizes a neglected point: we have failed to make children feel wanted and loved and respected and we have failed to give adolescents a right of passage, a feeling of being mentored and “wanted” as young adults. And so we have children staying dependent beyond their toddler years and teenagers stretching their listless limbo into their thirties.
The idea that being is important in and of itself denies the considerations of "talent" and "effort". It encourages children to accept the contemporary habit of absconding with self-aggrandizing titles which compensate them in lieu of satisfaction. Erroneously associating “wanting to be” with actually “being” we gradually accept the rejection of doing and excellence and accomplishment and success because they demand effort. Calling oneself a violinist, a writer, a dancer, a plumber, a doctor or a machinist imply doing something - How horrible! God forbid that our children base their self worth on such mundane considerations as work - God forbid that such titles which, to be acquired, demand "doing the best one can" would be craved by our children! Much easier it is to simply say we are "artists". No one would ever dare question the emptiness of our purported conceptualizing.
Self esteem was once a beautiful quality that a person exuded when their unique abilities meant something to themselves and to the world at large. It spoke of a person feeling good about doing and giving and sharing. It meant that you were a part of the community in which you lived. It meant that you could act and work and commit to communal life rather than feel depressingly vacuous.
It is sad that a theory of self-esteem took on the levels of “self-importance” that it did in the seventies. It is even sadder that those effects are still determining how we perceive and promote ourselves, how parents raise their children, how teachers are forced to homogenize "success" in the classroom and how we define creativity and artistry as simply “how we are rather than "what we do".
The results of such wayward theories have given us nothing less than an increased number of depressions in childhood and adolescence and a dissatisfaction in adult functioning which affects each of us and our communities as a whole. What these theories have not given us or our children is self-esteem. - 09-02-05
Parent-Teacher Interview ABCs: Aggression, blame, criticism. -Freda Lewkowicz - The Globe and Mail - Page A25 Comment - December 04, 2004
Freda Lewkowitz is correct. This whole parent-teacher game is silly. In this day and age, it has more to do with keeping up appearances than with children. Parent-teacher meetings are an illusion - something two lost groups do to mask the pain of reality. Neither parents nor teachers have any control over a situation they themselves created or allowed to have happen many years ago.
For eons parents were deemed fit not because they were play pals or "buds" but because they parented as best they could. They said "no" to their children without feeling queezy. They offered them an opportunity, not to pleasure themselves until they dropped (but rather), to grow and reach out farther than their parents ever could. We all had a value system to guide us as best we could.
Naturally, some were better at the parenting game than others and our more inclusive village atmospheres made up for the "lacks" in some family settings. But then, a quest for excellence, and not generalized perfection, was the goal of the day. There once was a value system. But now, all parents are placed in an emotional position of feeling guilty of incompetence (if not abuse) until (if ever) they are proven otherwise. Children once knew who their parents were and what their parents expected and did and why. Now, they have no idea and don't even care. Growing up is gross - and adults are so "into themselves" they don't want you around anyway.
In their defense, contemporary parents are impotent from the start. Since the onset of the 20th century, dubious claims by "specialists" have eroded parental self-confidence and eliminated any chance at "parenting the best you can". To parent, today, is to deny your total life experiences and value systems and to view your child-adult interactions as archaic and negative - if not dangerous. Never mind that the experts selling their pocket-book value-systems change tactics every few years or so. . .
Once, parents entrusted their children to the local expert: a teacher, a professional educator. His or her job was to prepare children's minds and hearts for tomorrow. They didn't chew the children's every intellectual or psychological encounter into an overly sweetened porridge of fun and easy exercises. Rather, the goal was to prepare children to enter into and face the increasing complexities of the world before them.
But along with parents, teachers have also lost their way. They have lost their professional standing and the absolute minimum required to act in that greatest of professions - (the respect of parents). The day teachers opted to unionize rather than focus on enhancing the position of their professional associations, they chose salary negotiations over children. The perception of teaching as a profession, from that point, was no longer viable. When salary issues are more prominent than educational focus, it is impossible to view the academic world as a source of intellectual and moral leadership.
Once, potters wheelwrights, butchers, stone masons and doctors as well as teachers were regulated not by governments but by professional guilds, professional associations. These recognized entities created standards and a value system through which apprenticeships and certification were regulated. They maintained worker pride, high expectations and the respect of a consuming public. What they had was far from perfect, but what they did have that was essential has been gotten rid of as archaic and "unworkable.
And as Compensation is now deemed more important than satisfaction in every quarter, it has become impossible to convey to our children that we parents and teachers meet for their benefit. They already know "really and truly" that their teachers and parents don't meet. . . They confront. They vie to maintain some semblance of "self-respect" and not to ensure their children's wellbeing.*
(*Despite the tone, I am not promoting a nostalgic revision of the past but rather a recognition of values once held which are crucial to the survival of the human spirit - if we are ever to form the root system of a new parent-teacher focus. - 04-12-04)
Child Care's Paltry Pay - Editorial, Globe and mail, November 11th, 2004
When a child-care or day-care worker is paid $10.50 an hour or an average of $19,000. a year while an average middle-class family can actually consider a $45,000.+ gas-guzzling SUV "normal" . . . we lie when we say we love our children. - 11-11-04
Jane Goodall, during a visit to Ottawa Canada, met with children at the Museum of Nature in October, 2004. Her message was simple and beautiful and filled with the miracle of that which is too rare in this anxious age: encouragement.
She said: "Don't let anyone laugh you out of your dreams." - Jane Goodall, Ottawa, October, 2004
A daily dose of the comic strip genre should be mandatory for all wanna-be parents. Comic strips should also be required reading for all student psychologists, psychiatrists and social workers. Freud and his ilk were too taken up with themselves and their navels to discover the truth in humour.
Calvin and Hobbes remains one of the most insightful strips ever created. But there are others worth their weight in gold still being produced. A daily read of these can help adults, if they are ever to be happy parents and not eventual grandparents hellbent on revenge:
Pooch Cafe
Poncho simply displays the inanities and consequences which occur simply because we are "self-centrreredand self-absorbed. He is atotal riot.
Betty
what a no-nonsense wondrous mother figure! Love wrapped in burlap. A helluva lot more sane than your average contemporary “which of the seventy-six choices laid out for you today do you want sweety?” type of mom.
Zits
What a superb follow-up to Calvin and Hobbes! (It helped me with C&H withdrawal pains).
Rose is Rose
A fantasmagorical mix of healthy parenting based on the premise that remembering the wonders (rather than horrors) which befell your own childhood are more important than any fad-psychology book’s "list of latest syndromes" diatribe.
Non Sequitur
Even the worst of machinations emanating from the over-active minds of overly-bright children are endurable - so says the body language of the father in this series. (Even though, secretly behind the scenes, you know deep down that this kid’s father is on tranquilizers. . .)
Grand Avenue
Superb ‘play-on-minds’ relationships between your basically emotionally needy child, your independent I-would-never-admit-to-being-needy sibling and a grandmother from days gone by who could survive any disaster if she had to. Subtle but powerful.
For Better or For Worse
It reminds us of what it is to be human and that being human is about as deep as any of us need to get - in order to get a life and get on with it. - 15-10-04
The importance of saying ‘No’ - George Jonas - National Post - October 15th, 2004 issue.
Often, all it takes is a parenting article loaded with common sense and devoid of any professional jargon and obfuscation to bring us back to reality - or not. Thanks George. You have rekindled my faith in humanity. . . Meaning? There’s actually someone out there who actually believes that parents should take responsibility for their children and stop acting as if they are God’s gift to their tiny obnoxious “Buds”.
If there is one thing contemporary parents have that we did not (way back when) is a sense that they must abandon all hopes of satisfying ANY of their personal needs and suffer stoically through - while their children step on them like the cowards they are. Children become empathetic adults with a healthy conscience only if they have not exercised undue power over their parents during childhood - and only when they know and respect the concept of 'NO!'. - 15-10-04 issue
Kisses Land 5 Year Old in Hot Water - Sarah Schmidt, National Post - 13-09-04
According to this story, a five year old is deemed perverted for being more mentally and emotionally healthy than the adults charged with his upbringing and education?!!!!!!!!l This kindergartner has been suspended from school for 'normal' hugging and, god forbid, kissing his classmates. I guess aggressive high fiving or punching his way through kindergarten would be considered more acceptable.
Either the National Post actually goes after the stupids who populate the globe or their inane actions occur at a rate and consistency which is most frightening. . . How mesmerizing the 'soit-disant' adult mind is. . . 13-09-04
National Post, Saskatchewan Teachers Shun 'Harsh' Red Ink When Marking For Fear of Demoralizing Students.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. . . It's a joke, right? Ha, ha, ha, ha. . . No, really! Ha, ha, ha. Please. . . . . Tell me that these 'professionals' aren't really allowed anywhere near kids! -11-09-04
Ottawa Citizen - From the educationally sublime to the ridiculous. . . The September 9, 2004 issue put all of its academic eggs into one speed-reading basket. Page A-4 presented comments on the sublime, while page A-5 displayed the ridiculous to an nth degree.
Page A-4
Stop Backing Bad Teachers, Children's Author Urges Unions In this article Robert Munsch (a teacher any kid would be happy to have) states that teachers unions should be more like professional associations - be more critical of the quality of teachers they support. Well, duh!!! Teachers should have realised that fateful day, years ago, when they ditched their professional associations for unions!
Page A-5
Anti-Fat Crusade Harmful to Youngsters, Researchers Say. This article describes an Orwellian scenario reminiscent of the worst any pre-teen bully can conjure. Supposedly, in parts of Australia, psychologically abusive tactics are being used by schools to "guide" children into more healthy lifestyles. . . In Canada too, "lunch-box surveys" are being planned . . .
So when do these people have time to teach? Who dreams up these things??? If schools no longer have authority over the learning and discipline processes how are they supposed to control children's eating habits? And is this any of their business? Is mandatory physical education for everyone not a better solution than targeting the "fat ones" in school? Is it any wonder some parents (and kids) prefer home-schooling . . .- 09-09-04
I am the grocery shopper in our household. My wife finds pleasure in cooking (and more than good at it she is!) So why should I complain about pushing a shopping cart? Well. . . for one thing, (after more than thirty-five years of squeezing tomatoes), I continue to be annoyed by some people (mostly of the female persuasion) who still consider the grocery store their very own "I don't even acknowledge that anyone else in the world exists" playing field.
In grocery stores you find two basic food-shopping groups:
Six-foot something two hundred pound "linebackers" are generally the ones who apologize profusely for being in the way - even after they've already pulled their protein-laden carts over to the side. . . "Blockers", on the other hand, are never aware of others. even when twenty or so shoppers are lined-up behind them, trying to pass.
A third annoyance are parents who make the shopping experience a family outing. The list of scenarios rarely varies. . . Either the parent(s) let the kids run wild (letting them race a cart of their own, play hide and seek and roll a can between shoppers) or they shriek and threaten the kids for the noise "they' are making. (In this case, the children usually aren't whining or screaming, but just delightfully giggling). Then you have the neurotic parent who grabs at and orders the kids to stay near them at every turn. So near do they want the kids that it's usually a "How many times have I told you to stay right here!!!!? kinda near. . .
But then, there is always that special day when you know, you actually know, that not all adults are iditotic, self-absorbed or simply out and out nutso.
It all happened the other day. I was going about my regular grocery list routine, (dodging abandoned carts and "ahemming" my way through the always oblivious aisles blockers) when all of a sudden what did appear!!!! A most wondrous sight. . . A sight which would usually be missed, silent and serene as it was.
A father and his two children were calmly doing their shopping. (I guess his wife cooks better than he does too.) The toddler was securely seated in the cart, contentedly munching a chocolate chip cookie which painted his face neat shades of brown. The other child, a six year old girl (gap-toothed) maturely (and proudly) walked the aisles with her father. He selected items from the shelves and placed them in the cart. She then showed him a list in her hand. He, in turn, quietly pointed to a word on the list. She, then, barred out the acquired item with her thick crayon.
Then there was the mother with a solidly built 3 year old riding gunshot in the cart. He insisted on discussing the latest soup packaging and cereal preferences. His vocabulary was incredible and his sentences so complex they made mine look foolish. I complimented the mother on her son and she said thank his older brothers. Keeping up with them has turned him into a voracious communicator. And how true that was as I rolledthrough the laundry soap section, three aisles over, and his clear throaty soprano carried over the shelving, emphasizing to his mother the value of one soup over the othert. Guess what? She never once told him to shut up. . . And I smiled until I encountered them again in the frozen foods section.
No cooing, no shrieking, no yelling, no aggressive high-fiving or parents being a kid's "bud". No. Just sane parents, not overwhelmed by or annoyed by or condescending to or exasperated by their children or the task at hand. That woman's husband was probably back at the house colouring shi favourite colouring book with his other sons and that man's wife was probably at home vaccuming or , doing laundry - or maybe sleeping in. Why not? Maybe this was their regular Saturday routine. It sure looked like all concerned were used to a day at the grocery store. . .
These scenes may not mean much to most people but to me this was "reality-TV" no script could ever convey. No one would believethat afternoon. And that's why it was probably so special. - 06-09-04
Measuring Up - Globe and Mail - Alanna Mitchell
In Africa children die at an alarming rate. We read about it and forget it. In Russia fanatics kill children by the dozen and we are "moved". . . at least for today. We have our own serious childhood problems, though. The dreaded constitutional delay for one. This "situation", for want of a better description, slows growth patterns in children, causing a horrendously unacceptable disease called: “shortness!!!”.
This is the latest of many self-induced calamities to strike at the hearts of North American parents and "evolved" societies at large. Embarassed as we are by this "obvious" family problem, it is surprising that we don’t subject our children to the rack. . . How dare these brats frustrate our need to have them be Michael Jordan clones! How dare they be short when we all know that being tall and thin and smart and beautiful is better. But better for who’s ego?
Constitutional delay may not be a medical problem (according to medical professionals) but it definitely is a psychological mindfield. Our children don't suffer from this "modern affliction" on their own. No. Until we impose upon them the cave-dwellling mentality that being short is horrible and tall is better, children generally get over being called mini, small-fry, shrimp, etc. But then, bullies aren't always in the school yard. They're more often than not in the home or 'specialists office'.
Making children feel guilty for something over which they have no control is no less child abuse than making them feel they will never get over being a victim of one thing or another.
Children around the world die before they can even express one iota of their extraordinary uniqueness and yet we, who have every opportunity at hand to offer our children the best, persist in heaving self-induced and indulgent anxieties upon their shoulders. How sadly incredible it is that in this society’s neurotic mind-set it is more important that our children be seen as tall than that they be perceived as creative, intelligent, unique, curious, adventurous or wonder-filled. Constitutional delay???. . . a new and improved syndrome in the making. What a sad lot we can be. - 04-09-04
Only in North America. . . where adult reactions to a traumatic event cause more damage to children than the event itself. Amazing, - 03
Awaiting my turn at a local mall ATM (Bank Machine), I observed two couples already busy at separate automatic teller keyboards. The first couple was a boy (approximately four years old) with his father. The second, a boy (same age) and holding a ragged teddy bear. He accompanied his mother. Both children eyed each other warily as they securely held onto their respective parent's pant-leg. Then it happened. . . The boy accompanying his father smiled. He then made a b-line for the other child, raising his hand to stroke his "new friend's" teddy bear. What occured next was nothing short of an emotionally twisted scenario. The "accosted" boy let out a series of piercing screams which quickly galvanized every innate hero within a quarter mile radius. Completely beside himself, he grabbed desperately at his mother's clothing, clawing and screeching: "A stranger touched me!!! A stranger touched me!!!" Perplexed, the friendly and gregarious one withdrew - his facial features a jumbled distortion of hurt emotions. Looking up at his father he simply mumbled: But Daddy, I'm not a stranger. I'm just a little boy! - 03
Si on ne sait lire, apprécier ou goûter aux tracers d’une ligne aux craies de couleur, agressive et volontaire qu’elle soit et qui aussi vite se veut douce ou tourbillonnante, jalouse ou audacieuse, forcée ou soumise et d’un rouge écarlate, devenant tantôt furieusement violette, tantôt délicatement bleue ou profondément noire ou chaleureusement brune. . . et le tout issu de doigts grassets, aux jointures ondulées de fossets charmants. . . si on ne sait lire ou apprécier ces commentaires visuels, ces histoires corsées et ces désirs révélateurs de bambins - comment donc sera-t-il possible de comprendre l’apprentissage enfantine de l’A, B. C, de l’orthographe, de la grammaire d’une phrase, des rhythmes poétiques d’une jeune adolescente amoureuse d’un garcon qui, lui, inscrit nerveusement l’intensité de ses sentiments aux seins d’un X sensuellement exagéré et d’un “O” frémissant de caresses anticipées. - 00
Be awed by a child who displays both a radiant self-confidence and a self-deprecating humour. . . For he will survive the pressure to be cynical and the urge to be old before his time. - 00
A parent is someone who warmly guides his children through minefields while stifling the urge to smooth out the path before them. - 00
When my child life is more disturbing than disturbed, the only course available to me as a burgeonning adolescent is to rebel, not from my childhood but rather against the accursed adult lives which presuming me indolent and unworthy, jealously refuse me entry into their realm. - 00
(On the contemporary mushroom cut for children) Contemporary parents appear both fearful of and addicted to their children. Boys haircuts coupled with their public displays of negative behavior are a case in point. One can only assume that the parents are into “alien mushrooms”. . . cute, bug-eyed and poisonous. - 99
I have encountered more reality-based greatness in the hearts of eleven year old dreamers than ever there was in the hormonally abject antics of many 40+ year olds. - 99
If we loved our children as much as we say we do, delinquency would be non-existent. . - 98
What is critical is not that a child be bright or talented but that his parents consider him(her) to be so. - 98
It is the role of the young to criticise, to exorcise the errors of those who came before and to revolutionize the world until that day when they too must leave behind that which is young and rebellious and accept to be, in turn, criticised and exorcised. - 98
How sad it is that as children grow so many parents have no other role to play than to eliminate challenges and obstructions in their paths, praying obsessively that their children never face the pains and challenges they themselves have (purportedly) suffered. - 97
When every second five year old male child is regarded as a “potentially” anti-social being, a ticking time bomb, a possible danger to society. . . how will that child ever believe that he is in reality a beautiful, unfolding flower? - 97
After listening to a CBC radio interview with an "expert" on making schools safer, I was taken aback by the non-chalant way this person commented that, yes, emotional bullying by girls is more prevalent in high school than physical bullying by boys. She said this with a seeming wave of the hand, a "pshaw". . . an after thought - as if emotional viciousness should not be considered in the same light as all other "popular" abuses. . . How disgusting that an "expert" would rather place cameras in school hallways to catch potential "strangers' than teach our children that abuse is abuse and that emotional (& verbal) abuse is the one cowardly act whose effects last the longest and carve scars in our souls deeper than any other abuse - or maybe the experts already know that. . . and find prevention too time consuming and expensive to be of any use in our throw-away society. After reading this article, I remembered something I had jotted down several years ago: It still holds true. "Une mauvaise langue ronge le coeur plus efficacement qu’un coup de poing au visage." (Emotional or verbal abuse more viciously and permanently scars than a fist to the face) - 96
By the age of ten or eleven, many children have lost their innate curiosity to question, to scrutinize, to experiment, to discover. Their silent fall into a sad adult-like resignation is almost palpable at times. - 96
Parenting should have more to do with loving your children than being loved by them .- 96
Having grown up with childhood anger in their hearts, men are often incapable of realising that the lack of male influence is not the complete fault of the women or men in their childhoods, but rather the consequences of an evolving society which fails to comprehend that adult male and female roles must be merged, and, at the same time divergent in the lives of children. If adults of the future are to be sane and peaceful and loving and caring and equal, this must be taken into account. - 89
If I never know what my mother does, all the time I am squirrelled away at school, or what my father does while I am being weaned from their supposed separate lives, it is impossible for me to know myself fully; to know recognition and appreciation and the dreams and emulation necessary for my “self” to grow into adult contentment. - 85
My children love me not because I am funny but because I think I am funny,
even though I certainly am not as funny as I think I am. . . This, then, must make me funny. . . because they laugh. . . So, I guess, I am funny and I do so love to hear them laugh! - 83
To grow, my children must realise that they are not mine but their own .- 79
I was once accused by an "art critic" of painting only beautiful children. Up to that point I had never really considered the concept of "ugliness" in relation to artwork or children. I assume that sometimes it is better to live with delusions. . . so I continue to believe that this comment was a compliment. . - 77
You can’t expect an eleven year old to do as he is told when during the first ten years of his life he has been telling his parents what to do. - 75
Adolescence is believing that change is improvement and easy is better than challenging. What else can we expect when teens are not encouraged or challenged or mentored in the process of growing up? Being reasonable is difficult when the adults around you are not, don't have any idea that their role is to guide you towards the inevitability of adulthood. -71
We can be drunk, cruel, neurotic, psychotic, despicably sadistic and most abusive - and still our children love us. No other emotional commitment comes near such pure and total selflessness. How much we have to learn from those who merit but rarely get our respect. - 69
Recess is the sanest part of a child’s day. Without it each member of a classroom would grow up to become a homicidal adult maniac instead of simply being the generic neurotics and angst ridden adults they eventually become. - 67
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